Once upon a time...

I thought I was good at this parenting thing. Then I lost my mind and took Ava and Nate with me this morning to Gwen's 4 month checkup (she's healthy...16 lbs and 26 inches long). Mind you, Nate is potty training and I decided to take him in underwear instead of a diaper b/c we would have easy access to a bathroom the whole time.

So we arrive, and I immediately take Nate to the potty. He has peed a little in his underwear, but that's okay because I've brought back-up clothing. A quick clothing change, a lollipop for making pee pee on the toilet and we're ready to go.

We head into the exam room, the medical assistant does the initial check on Gwen and then we're left alone to wait for the doctor. At this point I explain to Ava and Nate that I need them to stay quiet and still while the doctor is in the room, and that if they can do that they will get another lollipop as we leave. Hilariously enough, I thought this would work.

Pretty quickly the doctor enters the room and Nate starts fishing through my purse for a lollipop. I try everything to distract him and get him to leave the lollipop stash alone. He finally does and sits down next to Ava. Then he climbs on to Ava's chair, which naturally upsets her, as she is still sitting there. Suffice it to say, all Hades breaks loose between those two. I try everything I can to get them to stop, but am less than successful, especially since I am holding Gwen and still trying to speak with the doctor somewhat.

Eventually he's able to examine Gwen successfully and I'm able to get my questions answered. He leaves the room and I tell the kids how angry and embarassed I am and that there will be no lollipops. Weeping and wailing ensues. I am unsympathetic. Weeping and wailing gets louder. Attempts at bargaining for lollipops begin, followed by begging for a "second chance". I threaten to spank bums and somehow when they sense the deep anger welling within me and the great potential for harm it presents to them they calm down and behave reasonably while the nurse administers Gwen's shots.

We leave the exam room and head to the desk to schedule Gwen's 6 month checkup. As I consult with the secretary, I look down to see Nate has STRIPPED OFF HIS SHOES, SHORTS & UNDERWEAR AND IS NOW STREAKING THROUGH THE OFFICE. Immediately I lay Gwen down on the floor, grab Nate and redress him. I pick up Gwen, stand up, grab the card with Gwen's appointment written on it, and turn back around to find Nate has stripped naked again in world record time. The nurse walking down the hallway sees him and gets hysterical as she's trying to help. She holds Gwen as I get him dressed again and before he can do it again we hurriedly leave the office.

It's too bad I have to find another doctor. He'd kind of grown on me. But I can clearly never show my face in that place again.